Why Your Drinking Gets Worse Over Time, Not Better (E180)
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I became sober curious 2 years into my drinking when I was 24. I had noticed that my tolerance doubled within a short period of time and I was getting drunk and blacking out multiple times a week on work nights too. I blamed my stressful teaching job on why I had to drink so much, but deep down I was worrying if I was an alcoholic. This is when I started trying to moderate my drinking.
How do I control my drinking?
The problem is, all the time when I was sober curious and not getting any support, my drinking was progressing. I was doing it alone and trying the same moderation rules over and over again. I thought no one was like me and other people wouldn’t be able to understand me.
I convinced myself that it was my stressful job or my husband’s fault, but it was just the way I drank and because I didn’t get any support and kept myself in denial, it kept getting worse until I had to do something about it.
Drinking is progressive
A 2021 study published in Neuropsychopharmacology looked at Rhesus monkeys for 12-14 months. They had 3 groups:
Group 1: males who had open access to alcohol for a year
Group 2: females who had open access to alcohol for a year
Group 3: males who had open access to alcohol for 14 months, followed by 3 month cycles of forced abstinence.
After this time period their brains were studied to look for long term changes in dopamine.
There were a few interesting outcomes, and I discuss groups 1 and 2 in detail in this podcast episode.
After 12 months of open access, the males split into mostly low drinkers and some binge and heavy drinkers. After 14 months of open access, they split into about 25% low drinkers, 25% very heavy drinkers, 10% heavy drinkers and about 40% binge drinkers. This already shows how drinking progresses, but this isn’t the interesting part. They were forced to be abstinent for 1 month and go through withdrawal, then given open access to alcohol again.
(Salinas 2021)
Look at the progression from open access period 1 to 3.
Remember, in between each stage they had to go through withdrawal and be abstinent for 30 days.
What I want you to understand from this episode and from my story, is that changing your life circumstances may help your drinking a little bit, but it won’t fix it. We drink the way we drink and that isn’t going to change. Addiction is progressive and the longer you go without getting support, the more you’re going to progress through the stages until your consequences become so severe that you are forced to face them.
Listen to episode 180 to learn more about why we don’t realize our drinking is a problem and how denial impacts the brain:
FAQs on being sober curious
I’m worried about my drinking, do I have to stop entirely?
You’re worrying about your drinking for a good reason. This means consequences are starting to build and maybe you’re observing a loss of control. People who don’t struggle with alcohol don’t worry about their drinking. They drink or they don’t and it doesn’t matter either way. The obsession is part of our problem. We think about it all the time. You can’t change the way your drink unfortunately. I recommend getting some support now and having an open mind to sobriety. You don’t have to commit to it, and it’s okay to miss alcohol and wish you could drink it, but being around likeminded people will help.
Can you be mindful and drink alcohol?
You can, sure, but this requires a lot of mental effort and resisting cravings to have more alcohol. A take it or leave it drinker is someone who doesn’t care about alcohol either way. That’s not what a mindful drinker is. Take it or leave it drinkers don’t have to be mindful, they just drink until they are satisfied and then stop. Mindful drinkers are not satisfied so they have to force themselves to enjoy it extra in the hopes that they can stop. That doesn’t sound very fun.
Cite this article:
Tietz, G., Painter, M. Why Your Drinking Gets Worse Over Time, Not Better. Sober Powered. 2023
Sources:
Salinas et al. Long-term alcohol consumption alters dorsal striatal dopamine release and regulation by D2 dopamine receptors in rhesus macaques. 2021. Neuropsychopharmacology.
Sabine Loeber, Theodora Duka, Helga Welzel Márquez, Helmut Nakovics, Andreas Heinz, Karl Mann, Herta Flor, Effects of Repeated Withdrawal from Alcohol on Recovery of Cognitive Impairment under Abstinence and Rate of Relapse, Alcohol and Alcoholism, Volume 45, Issue 6, November-December 2010, Pages 541–547,
Loeber S, Duka T, Welzel H, et al. Impairment of cognitive abilities and decision making after chronic use of alcohol: the impact of multiple detoxifications, Alcohol Alcohol, 2009a, vol. 44 (pg. 372-81)
