5 Ways Problem Drinkers Think Differently
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One of the most empowering things I’ve learned in my research is that not everyone experiences alcohol in the same way. When I got sober, I started talking to my husband more about his experience and I started interacting with people in the sober community who shared my experience with alcohol. Over time, I realized how different my husband and I were. Here are 5 ways we think differently about alcohol compared to a take it or leave it drinker.
1. “Will there be enough for me?”
I used to be in a panic when the bartender or server was taking too long to realize I needed another drink or if I was at a family thing and there was only a certain amount of alcohol. I was terrified that the alcohol would run out and there wouldn’t be enough for me to drink, so instead of paying attention to whoever I was with, most of my attention was on the level of wine in the bottle, how much was left in everyone’s glass and how many glasses they had so far.
2. “I can’t imagine never drinking again”
Do you think this way with anything else? If you had to give up chocolate, pizza, or Netflix you’d be sad and it would be challenging, but you’d survive. With alcohol, the thought of never drinking again is unfathomable and feels like the most depressing thing in the world. I thought if I couldn’t figure out how to moderate then my life would be over. If you’re struggling to try out sobriety because you can’t imagine life without alcohol, then that’s a sign you shouldn’t ignore.
3. Believing we will eventually be cured and thinking, “it has been long enough, maybe I can moderate now”
When you stop drinking the problems it was causing in your life are right in front of your face. They’re obvious and they cause you a lot of pain. As you spend more time in sobriety, the negatives fade away and your reasons for drinking start to become more present. This might show up as saying you’re never going to drink again after a really bad night of drinking, but by day 3 or 4 when the hangover has faded and you feel better again, you talk yourself back into drinking.
4. Thinking that 1 drink is a waste of time
We so desperately want to have just 1 drink, but 1 drink doesn’t satisfy us. You aren’t choosing that. The amount of alcohol that satisfies you is out of your control. Some people can force themselves to stop before they’re satisfied and then just fight off cravings for more, but that’s not a pleasant experience. That sounds pretty stressful. Take it or leave it drinkers will have a certain amount of alcohol and stop because they’re satisfied. They don’t have to force themselves to stop or follow a plan. They just stop when they’re done.
5. The obsession.
When you struggle with something, whether it’s alcohol, a bad relationship, food, etc. there’s a lot of bargaining and convincing ourselves that it’s okay. We’re bargaining and rationalizing with alcohol because we know deep down that it’s not okay and we’d be better off without it. We’re grasping for any excuse to make drinking okay. The best part of sobriety is being free from the obsession.
More info on this topic:
E79: why do we romanticize alcohol?
E99: why we can never drink again
E91: do you want to be sober or do you want to drink without the consequences?
E127: why you obsess about your drinking
